The Wall Street Journal

Likable people are more apt to be hired, get help at work, get useful information from others and have mistakes forgiven. A study of 133 managers last year by researchers at the University of Massachusetts found that if an auditor is likable and gives a well-organized argument, managers tend to comply with his suggestions, even if they disagree and the auditor lacks supporting evidence.

Likability is more important—and harder to pull off—on video than in person. Sometimes this can result in a style-over-substance effect. People watching a speaker on a videoconference are more influenced by how much they like the speaker than by the quality of the speaker's arguments, according to a 2008 study in Management Science. The opposite is true when a speaker appears in person. The use of personal videoconferencing is expected to grow 47% annually through 2017, according to Wainhouse Research, a Boston market-research firm.

Social networking also places a premium on likability. More employers track employees' likability on in-house social networks and chat services. They recruit those who are trusted and well-liked to spread information or push through changes. Some companies take these employees' social clout into account when handing out raises and promotions.

Listeners tend to like speakers who seem trustworthy and authentic, who tell an engaging or persuasive story and who seem to have things in common with them, says Noah Zandan, president of Quantified Impressions in Austin, Texas, a provider of communications analytics. On video, these qualities can be hard to convey.

Many people make a negative impression on video by becoming stiff and emotionless, or by exaggerating their points. 'Overacting is rampant. It's easy to go Ryan Seacrest when the red light goes on,' says Tim Sanders, author of 'The Likeability Factor' and a lecturer on the topic.

Job applicants interviewed on video receive lower likability ratings and interview scores, and are less likely to be recommended for hiring, than candidates interviewed in person, according to a study published last year in Management Decision.

But coaches say that likability can be taught. 'Likability isn't something you are born with, like charisma. It's something you can learn,' says Ben Decker, chief executive officer of Decker Communications, San Francisco, a training and consulting firm.

The 'big three' behaviors most important to a speaker's likability are making eye contact by looking into the camera, smiling naturally when you talk and varying your tone of voice to convey warmth and enthusiasm, Mr. Decker says. To show the importance of nonverbal cues, he has clients role-play on video the first few minutes of an imaginary conversation with a client—then watch themselves with the sound off.

Mr. Decker also urges clients to 'really think about the listener' and figure out goals he or she might share with you. The ability to find common ground with others is a cornerstone of likability.

Melissa Temple-Agosta has her salespeople take Decker training partly so they learn to come across as warm and engaging in training videos. Many were likable in person, but 'when you put them in front of a camera, they froze,' says Ms. Temple-Agosta, assistant vice president, education and training, for Urban Decay Cosmetics, Newport Beach, Calif., a division of L'Oréal. Employees learn to think less about their appearance and more about how to forge a connection with listeners.

Senior executives at Charles Schwab & Co. take the training partly because 'making sure you come across as authentic and as someone who can be trusted becomes more important' when speaking to large groups on video or webcasts, says Jay L. Allen, executive vice president, human resources, for the San Francisco-based financial services firm. Managers also learn to speak with more enthusiasm on video, varying their tone, Mr. Allen says.

It is important to get to the point quickly on video, because viewers' attention span is short, Mr. Sanders says. Research shows that watching people on video imposes mental demands, called 'cognitive load' by scientists, that make it harder to avoid distractions and process what is said.

Mr. Sanders suggests paying special attention to others' facial expressions in videoconferences, stopping the conversation to acknowledge their feelings if necessary. Empathizing with others' feelings creates a sense of connection.

A common mistake people make on video is to play the comedian. Mr. Sanders says: 'If you insist on poking fun at someone, it has to be you.'

(by Greg McKeown, Author, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less)
I recently met with a capable and driven executive and asked him, "How are you?" He gave me a rapid-fire answer of all of the things he was doing: travelling, business updates, career changes and his children’s innumerable activities. It sounded like an intense but satisfying life.

Then I asked him again, "How are you really?" And the moment I did, he became emotional and the reality of his life just flooded out of him: his stress, his frustration of trying to juggle it all, his sense that he had no time to really think, or play with his children or enjoy any of it. The (cute) summary is this: his schedule was always filled but his life wasn’t fulfilled. What is less cute is the idea that he, and many of us, have been sold a bill of goods.

We’ve been sold on a heroic ideal of the uber-man and super-women who kill themselves saying yes to everyone, sleeping four hours a night and straining to fit everything in. How often have you heard people say, "I am so busy right now!" But it almost seemed like a back-door brag.

But it’s a bogus badge of honor. It suffocates our ability to think and create. It holds otherwise hard working, capable people back from our highest contribution. Below are a few of the myths of success that hold us back from becoming very successful.

Myth 1: Successful people say, "If I can fit it in, I should fit it in."

Truth: Very successful people are absurdly selective.

As Warren Buffet is credited with having said, "The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything."

As I wrote in a piece for Harvard Business Review, this means, "Not just haphazardly saying no, but purposefully, deliberately, and strategically eliminating the nonessentials. Not just once a year as part of a planning meeting, but constantly reducing, focusing and simplifying. Not just getting rid of the obvious time wasters, but being willing to cut out really terrific opportunities as well. Few appear to have the courage to live this principle, which may be why it differentiates successful people and organizations from the very successful ones."

Myth 2: Successful people sleep four hours a night.

Truth: Very successful people rest well so they can be at peak performance.

In K. Anders Ericsson's famous study of violinists, popularized by Malcolm Gladwell as the "10,000 hour rule," Anders found that the best violinists spent more time practicing than the merely good students. What is less well known is that the second most important factor differentiating the best violinists from the good ones was actually sleep. The best violinists averaged 8.6 hours of sleep in every 24 hour period.

Myth 3: Successful people think play is a waste of time.

Truth: Very successful people see play as essential for creativity.

Just think of Sir Ken Robinson, who has made the study of creativity in school's his life's work. He has observed that instead of fueling creativity through play, schools actually kill it: "We have sold ourselves into a fast-food model of education, and it's impoverishing our spirit and our energies as much as fast food is depleting our physical bodies. Imagination is the source of every form of human achievement."

Myth 4: Successful people are the first ones to jump in with an answer.

Truth: Very successful people are powerful listeners.

As the saying goes, the people who talk the most don't always have the most to say. Powerful listeners get to the real story. They find the signal in the sound. They listen to what is not being said.

Myth 5: Successful people focus on what the competition is doing.

Truth: Very successful people focus on what they can do better.

The "winningest coach in America" is Larry Gelwix, the former Head of the Highland High School rugby team. His team won 418 games with only 10 losses in over 36 years. One of the key questions he challenged his players to ask was "What’s important now?" He didn't want his players getting distracted with what the other team was doing. He wanted them to play their own game.

Last week I took a tour of the Kennedy Presidential Library in Boston, Massachusetts. One of the quotes there grabbed my attention. John F. Kennedy said, "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."

The myth here is celebrated in modern culture: it’s someone who is capable, driven and wants to win and be popular. They have been rewarded for their willingness to take it all on, fit it all in and just make it happen. They believe doing more is better than doing less. I call this type of person a Nonessentialist.

Still, there is a new hero in our story. She asks, "What is essential?" and is willing to eliminate everything else. He says no to the less important activities so they can give themselves fully to the few things that really matter. It is a path that takes courage. It may require making the tradeoff between short-term popularity and long-term respect. It leads to a greater sense of control and even joy. But as an added benefit it also seems to be the thing that distinguishes the successful from the very successful.

(by Gurbaksk Chahal, Chairman & CEO of RadiumOne)
It's a potential life-changing event—yet so many people get it wrong. I'm talking about going for an interview for a position you really want; one that could have a dramatic impact on the rest of your life.

So, why is it that so many prospective employees don't seem to grasp the essentials of getting the interviewer to fall in love with them and make a commitment to hire them?

While building three successful businesses I've had the opportunity to conduct over a thousand interviews. Let me share with you 10 common faults I've identified from that experience. Avoid them if you really want to get the exciting job of your dreams.

1. Don't Be Unprepared

First of all... don't make the mistake of going into an interview without researching the industry, the company, the boss, and as much as you can about the specific position. If someone tells me they're at the interview to learn about my company, that's a total turn-off.

The interviewee should have gone out of his way to become knowledgeable and find out in advance everything he could about the enterprise he wants to work for. There are so many online resources today; it's not something that's hard to do. It shows that the candidate is serious about wanting the position. Part of being prepared is also making sure you don't arrive late for the interview. That's inexcusable. Shoot to get to the appointment way ahead of time just in case there are unexpected delays.

2. Don't Go Casual

You must create a good first impression. And that starts with the first moment your interviewer sets eyes on you. At RadiumOne we're not exactly a suit and tie company, but it's disrespectful for a potential employee to stroll in wearing a torn T-shirt, jeans and sneakers. It's better to be overdressed than underdressed. You're attending a job interview—not a ball game.

3. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions

I like inquisitive people. I like people who want to learn. And I actually like people who challenge me. So don't forget that an interview is a two-way street. I'm trying to find out if you'll fit in with the rest of my rock stars and what kind of dynamite contribution you can make to our success; hopefully, you're curious about the people with whom you'll be working, the Company's culture, exactly what is going to be demanded of you—and the potential for growth within the company.

I'm going to be investing in you—so I want someone who's going to make a commitment and be with us long-term. Please don't forget that.

4. Don't Use Clichés

I've heard them all. "I'm a problem-solver." "I'm a real team player." "I'm a perfectionist." I don't need to hear general descriptions of how great you are (especially those clichés). I do want to hear specific examples of your successes and who the inner who you is? What character in any relationship do you value the most? What was the highest moment in your life and the most struggling. How did you react and prosper?

5. Don't Trash Your Current Employer

You may well be unhappy at your current company. I don't need to hear it. If you speak ill of your current employer what's to say you won't speak ill of me? Don't bring any trash talk from your job into the interview. Saying you didn't always see eye to eye is one thing; it may well show that you can think for yourself, especially if you can quote a positive element. One way or another it was a learning experience! But don't harp on petty disputes or air any dirty laundry. Don't trash talk anyone. You don't want to gain a reputation for negativity.

6. Don't Be Fake

There's always the temptation to "play to the gallery" when you're being interviewed. You're inclined to tell the interviewer exactly what you think he wants to hear rather than exactly how you feel. OK. So it's stressful and you want the job real bad. And maybe you even exaggerate your experience a little bit. My advice is to be real. Presenting a "fake you" and hyped credentials is not going to serve you in the long haul. Truth has a way of finding its way out.

7. Don't Chit Chat

Never forget that this is an interview for a job. Be professional. Be business-like. This is not the forum to share intimate details of your personal life, the ups and downs of your marriage, or your recent break-up. It is the forum to discuss why you want the job and will be an asset to the company.

8. Don't Be Evasive

A good interviewer will ask plenty of direct questions. Be ready to provide direct answers. Honesty is the best policy. A good interviewer will watch your body language and inflection of voice for any telltale evasions.

9. Don't Talk Money

There's a time and a place to discuss salary, bonuses, and perks of the job. And it's not at the initial interview unless it's something the interviewer raises. Your compensation package is obviously a matter for major discussion—when you know you're going to get offered something. Then you can always negotiate from a position of strength.

10. Don't Just Walk Away

At the end of the interview don't simply say "thanks for your consideration" and depart—and that's the end of it. If you want the position make it clear that you're interested before you leave and try to find out the company's level of interest in you. Say something like, "This sounds like an ideal position for me. Is there a fit here?" and "What's our next step?"

Your next step, regardless, is to follow up. The same day. A brief, polite email thanking the interviewer for his consideration and reiterating your desire for the job is not only proper etiquette but also shows that you really want it. I'm always surprised when someone doesn't follow up. But it happens.

Going for an interview is one of the most important (and challenging) events in anyone's life. Don't treat it casually if are serious about being part of a winning team. It's your first chance to shine. Don't make it your last chance.

Most of all, especially if you're young, take risks and interview for the places that you can call a career – not a job. Life's too short to be aiming for a 9 to 5.